I woke up this morning with
butterflies in my stomach. Not the kind I used to get before performing on
stage. For some strange reason, I enjoyed those.
These were of a different kind.
The kind that result from the smorgasbord of emotions I’m feeling as we march
ever-closer to the beginning of a new school year. We go back in five days.
I’m not ready.
And yet I am ready.
Because as much as I love having
our kids at home in the nest, I know the return of structure and routine will
serve us well.
On Monday, I took the kids to
Hawaiian Falls, for what I was certain would be our last visit together. Watching
my children play in the waves, the familiar waves of sadness began to roll over
me. It happens to me every summer. Exactly one week before school starts.
I begin to regret all the things
we didn’t do instead of celebrating all the things that we did. And I begin to
wish for just a few more days.
And yet at the same time, the fit
of my swimsuit is proof that I’ve indulged just a little too much in popsicles,
kid-friendly affair, and pool-side sodas, and that I’ve been a
less-than-stellar companion to my yoga mat these last few months. I don’t feel
well, I’m not sleeping, and it shows.
The same can be said for the
condition of our house. I’ve gotten pretty good at letting go of perfection
when it comes to chores, but there’s a fine line between letting go and giving
up, and I’m teetering towards the wrong side of that line.
Paperwork is stacking.
Dust is collecting.
Laundry is piling.
And my kitchen is beckoning me to
prepare just one home-cooked meal.
I think the anxiety comes from standing
in the middle of transition. Summer isn’t yet over. And yet school is coming. I
haven’t quite figured out where to put my focus, right here in the middle of it
all.
I’m sure you can relate.
And yet we know better. Regarding
worry, Jesus said:
So do not worry, saying,
‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
For the pagans run after all these
things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek
first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to
you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for
tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:31-34.
A few years ago,
I was particularly overwhelmed with my to-do list. This is usually not an issue
for me, but my list was long, and my brain space was limited. A wise friend suggested
that I use my task list to make a list of everything that had to be done that day, plus one thing I would like to get done, but wasn’t necessary.
When I engaged in
this exercise, I felt the pressure release, the clouds part, and the peace
come. Because I chose to focus on the day at hand, rather than worry about every
nook and cranny of my entire universe, my task list became much less daunting,
and my focus returned. I allowed myself to live fully in the present, and I
actually had a great day!
I think that’s
what God desires for us. That we live each day fully. Not that we should never
look towards the future, but that we should acknowledge each day is a gift we’ve
been given that should not be wasted on worry over tomorrow. That we should
enjoy His presence in the present.
So as the summer
draws itself to a close and you begin planning for the return of school, my prayer is that you won’t
let your mind get there too fast. Enjoy the fleeting moments of the summer
glow, draw near to your Father, and savor today for today. 
No comments:
Post a Comment