Family Time…His boundaries and your boundaries
When I was young, I had to learn the limits or boundaries. We all do. And we all push them. What is right or wrong? What is polite or rude? How do I treat people if I want to keep a friend or what causes me to lose one? I knew a certain amount of right and wrong, like killing or stealing is wrong. But there were social behaviors that I had to be taught. My parents were there to teach me that I had crossed the line and spoken arrogantly, rudely or without love. When I was young, I struggled with being tactful. I just spoke my mind whether it was kind or not, and did not realize that it was hurting the other person. I actually thought that it was good that I was not lying. But it was truth, not spoken in love. Ephesians 4:15 tell us that we are to speak truth, but in love. So, God had to step in and correct this behavior within me. He allowed me to lose friends because of my directness and lack of boundaries. I had to learn the hard way.
As my kids entered the age of forming relationships either with our family or friends, I discovered that these social skills are much harder to teach than I had realized. It took a lot of work to correct and reshape the kid’s behaviors. It is interesting that you don’t have to teach a child to lie. They seem to arrive here knowing how to do that one. The challenge is convincing them that lying is wrong and getting them to understand why not to lie. One of my favorite and most useful parenting lines was “is that how you want to be treated?” (not “is that how you are treated…but want to be treated”). If the behavior really was wrong, then their answer will be “no” and you can convince them to see it as sin and apologize. Another boundary challenge was helping my kids recognize if they felt entitled. The kids today are given a lot in our society and are often raised to think that they are entitled to everything our society has to offer. Kids think they don’t need to wait or earn their way. As a result, when they enter the job world and can’t afford things or they start in the grunt job, they feel they have failed. Kids need the boundaries of hard work and knowing their parents won’t “fix it” for them. I often had to encourage my kids to accept that it is okay to struggle through learning a new task or starting at the beginning and letting them work through it themselves. It helped my kids to know that I would not “fix” a task or relationship for them. We prayed through it together, but it was a boundary that I kept.
This week in your family time, I would encourage you to prepare by praying for God to show you areas in your family that need boundaries. Are there areas that need help? How do your kids speak to each other or you? You and your spouse are role-models to your kids. How do you and your spouse speak to each other? Is it in kindness? Do the kids hear it and are they mimicking it? Sometimes parents speak very kindly to their kids, but don’t expect the same respect in return. The parents don’t stop their kids from speaking rudely to them. As a result, the kids are trained to speak rudely not only to them but to all adults. It is okay to expect respect from your kids and train your kids in this way. However if you realize that this disrespect has been allowed, it will take time to redirect the kids and a lot of patience. Pray for God’s Holy Spirit to help you as you train your kids. He will direct you and make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:6). Just ask for His guidance.
Do you need help or prayer for your family time? Email me at SkyMoms@skyranch.org.
I will be praying for you!
Stacy Davis
Click the link below for your free copy of the Sky Ranch “Open your Eyes” Family Devotional …
This week we are in the 3rd Month Topic and 5th Family Time (or page 33 ) of the Sky Ranch Devotional “Open Your Eyes”…
Family Time 5:
Month 3 Topic: God can do anything because God made everything…His boundaries/your boundaries
Talk with God: Read…Psalm 104:5-11
~ Psalm 104:5-11
(5) He established the earth upon its foundations, so that it will not totter forever and ever.
In v5, what did God establish so that the earth would not totter?
(6) You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters were standing above the mountains.
In v6, where were the waters standing?
(7) At Your rebuke they fled; at the sound of Your thunder they hurried away.
(8) The mountains rose; the valleys sank down to the place which You established for them.
(9) You set a boundary that they may not pass over; so that they will not return to cover the earth.
In v9, what did God set to stop the waters?
Walk with God: Discuss… God stabilized the foundation of the earth so that it would not totter and created the boundaries of the ocean so that it would not flood the land. God holds it all in place and it keeps the peace. God has good ideas…we need to imitate Him. Does your family have boundaries? Do you have rules that keep the peace? Do you expect respect for each other or your things? Discuss any boundaries that need to be established in your home.
Prayer suggestion… Pray for God to provide the needed family boundaries.
Family Time 5:
Leader Answers:
Foundations
Above the mountains
A boundary
Discussion ideas: In families boundaries matter…can one sibling take an item without asking? What is the result if they do? Usually it is not good. What about privacy? Do people knock before opening a door? What about respect? How does everyone talk to each other? How are kids allowed to talk to parents? How do parents talk to kids? Sometimes we say too much, thinking we are helping, but really we are hurting the other person…just consider how you would want to be treated.
© 2011 Stacy A. Davis, Inc. All rights reserved.
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